A Fresh Coat of Paint

For some a nice fresh coat of paint may sound pretty good ... adding a vibrant color to a dark stained wall, or maybe just a change of appearance to spice things up.  And for some it may be just what is needed.  Though for some it may be another action to cover up what they don't want to see or believe - a way to deny what they know deep down, but don't want to admit is a problem.  Hey if it looks good, all must be ok.

I guess that is sort of where I was at.  All was good on the outside, but a coat of paint or two below there still existed some major renovation work that was needed.  The outside looked good and because I had placed my faith not in my works, but in the work of Jesus Christ, His death on the Cross, as the only acceptable payment for my sin, which I knew I had in me, I knew His righteousness was what God sees when He sees me.  But I would continue to struggle - struggle with my battles against my sinful nature, struggle with my faith, struggle with my freedom and peace in Christ.  

The good news, in addition to the Good News, was that I was not in the battle alone.  God knew my heart - after all He formed it along with the rest of me.  And He was for me the moment He chose me to be His and called me by name to be adopted into His family forever.  And He hasn't left me and never will.  Because of that, the battle intensified.  I eventually realized the battle was and is for my brokeness - learning and accepting what it really means to be utterly broken, bankrupt, poor in spirit and needing Christ for more than my salvation, but for my very existence - what it means to lose ones life to live.   I believe I have had a grateful heart for what Christ did for me and that Grace has been the driving force of the good I have done - the works that were done out of love, but I was still in the picture and that was a problem.  Even if it is just a little bit of me, the part of me that relies on my own strength and ability - without recognizing it is God who gave me the ability and strengthens me, I am distancing myself from Him.  

I am not expecting to walk perfectly without sin cropping up in my life, I am not expecting to live a life without any struggles or pain.  These are the realities of the fallen world we live in.  But I have come to a place in my walk with my Savior and am daily renewing my desire to have it grow deeper still, where I am acknowledging my brokeness, my emptiness, my full reliance upon Him and His Grace to fill me - for my life to be lost in Him and found in Him, all for His Glory and for the joy and peace He desires me to have this day as I am abandoned to His will for me.