Just What He Always Wanted

I've never been to big on wanting things, not there is anything wrong with wanting good things.  I think for me, it was partly I had plenty and partly somehting inside me that was telling me I was undeserving of more.  But one thing I have wanted was to get a handle on this letting go thing and living my life in the freedom that the Bible speaks of.   To be dead to myself yet fully alive!

For me it has been a painful process.  I guess dying can be that way.  I don't know that it has to be, but for most it will be.  I had to get to point of complete and total brokeness before God and myself.  I am sure that as painful as it was for me, it was equally so for God having to to watch his child go thru such a long winding and at times utterly heartbreaking journey (for me, for others that I love and for God.)  I liken it to how He must have felt sending His children off into the wilderness for 40 years of wandering after He brought them out of Egypt and so many other times that are detailed in the Bible.  But God sees the end, He is weaving a beautiful tapestry in the story of my life and intertwining it with the beautiful tapestres He is weaving into the lives of others.  Even the small glimpses I get to see are just amazingly awe inspiring .... just a glimpse of how great our God is .... I really can't wait to get to see it when it is all done, but I will take what I can get now, it is more than enough to draw a big smile across my face and warm my heart as the bright rays of sun warm my skin.

The thing is, I only get to see this beauty when I am abandoned to myself.  When I am focussed on self, my imagined worries, my needs, my busyness, I tune God out.  I am not still enough to hear the brids singing their sweet songs, let alone God's often still quiet voice ... quiet, I believe to cause me to quiet myself to hear Him.  To call out to Him crying out ABBA Father and to yield myself to His will for this day in my life, whatever it may bring, trusting His heart for me above and over everything else.  In my brokeness there is completeness for that is really all He desires.  He pours out His blessings anew each day, mine is the task of receiving and if my hands are already full of the junk I make up I find I am not able to lay hold of the true treasures that are already mine .... for my good and His Glory.  

I am so ever grateful that He has led me thus far, to complete brokeness ... truly bankrupt and poor in spirit, for now I am rich in Him.  I hope and pray as I continue along this journey, my experiences, words of encouragement and more importantly the Words of the Living God will draw you closer to Him.